i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
