he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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