I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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