Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
