I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
