So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
