and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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