was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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