my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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