I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
