just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize