I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
