Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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