his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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