My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
