I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
wow bdsm is so cute
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
