You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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