i love accidental penises.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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