i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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