Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
