If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
