My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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