you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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