i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
