The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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