I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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