i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
