If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
