dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
