Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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