p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Randomize
