dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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