The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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