Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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