The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just cropdusted the office
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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