i think i have herpe
just one?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
did i walk over a car last night?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
