I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
