I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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