The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
