My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
