Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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