I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
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I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
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I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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