I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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