yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
