ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
