my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize