Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
