worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
