Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
