She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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