dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
