I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
