What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
