She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
