I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I'm always down for nudity.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
