We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
