I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
