the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Can vaginas get frostbite?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
