And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
