hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
