It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
