i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
