my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
It's official drugs can't kill me
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
