I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
