I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
