I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
