Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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