I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
