I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Why is there bacon in the couch?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
