Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
