standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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