why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
two words...techno handjob
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
