i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
