I wish I could punch you in the face.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
This house was built for laser tag.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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