I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
