my room smells like sperm. sweet.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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