Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
