Don't you send me to vm
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
