I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
