Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
