She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
