haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize