whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm passing your future prison.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
