I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
