Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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