He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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