I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
