this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize