I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
