i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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